Gratitude

January 6 was Three Kings Day. Epiphany. The 12th day of Christmas. And in our house, Bagel Day. 

To commemorate the journey of the Magi to Bethlehem, each year, my father and stepmother overnight me a dozen genuine New York bagels. It’s the best. Like the Magi followed the star, I obsessively refresh the tracking information on my phone to imagine and somehow hurry along the journey of the bagels. 

They arrived late in the evening on the 6th. (The bagels. I don’t remember what time of day the Magi arrived at Bethlehem.) By the morning of the 7th, I was spreading cream cheese (a schmear) on my third bagel, and I wondered, how many bagels would I eat if I lived in New York?   

You know what, all evidence to the contrary, I think, eventually, it would be a normal amount. I might eat an unreasonable number of bagels when I first arrive, but eventually, they will become routine to me. I’ll forget how they differ from bagels in the rest of the world. I’ll have preferred bagel shops. I might even throw one away if I burn it in the toaster instead of scraping off the char and trying to save it. I’ll start taking them for granted. And forget what a miracle they are.  

The last evening of winter break my kids started getting their stuff ready for school. There was happy, excited chatter as they packed lunches, decided who was going to shower tonight and who would shower in the morning, and figured out which chrome book charger belonged to whom.  

These kids are not taking school for granted. They don’t love every moment of the school day, but they are grateful to be there. They treasure time with their friends. They enjoy the walk to school or to the bus stop. They feel lucky to be there.  

It turned out, that first day back, they had a 2-hour weather delay. “Mom, do you think a 2-hour delay will be good for COVID?” Um. Why would it? “Cause that’s two less hours we’re around people.”  

Oh. Yeah, I guess.  

The truth is, I was dreading sending them back. I felt like I was having a premonition to years from now when they launch from the nest. I didn’t expect this early to feel so keenly that I’m sending my kids unprepared into a dangerous world. Have the decisions we have made and the conversations we have had been enough to protect them?  

Cases of Omicron are skyrocketing. There are more cases in the community than we’ve ever had. The kids have rejected the N95 masks—Charlie because the straps seemed all wrong and they messed up the look she was going for with her hair, and Philip because it made him breathe like Darth Vader.  

They are wearing good surgical masks. They have been vaccinated. Is that enough to keep them from getting COVID? 

They wonder how long schools will stay open. They hope they get to go to school, but they live with uncertainty. Is this sense of gratitude enough to protect their mental health and resilience? 

Katelyn Jetelina’s excellent blog, Your Local Epidemiologist, summarized some recent research showing that across the country more families are struggling with the mental health of their kids than before the pandemic. Kids can suffer anxiety and depression just like adults, and it can be triggered by uncertainty, isolation, worry and fear for the future or their present. 

Our Youth are Struggling with Mental Health

“Mom, do we have any more COVID tests? My nose was stuffy before my shower.” Is this what anxiety sounds like? Is this what COVID sounds like? Isn’t everyone’s nose stuffy before their shower in the winter?  

“Man, school used to be so gross before masks.” Is this what resilience sounds like? 

How do you mean? “Well, like, you know when you are chewing your fingernails and you get a little bit of skin? We used to just spit that out, but now you can’t even chew your fingernails because you are wearing a mask.” Yeah, that’s gross.  

My stomach hurts. Is it the anxiety? The fingernail thing? Too many bagels?  

These are hard times. It’s hard for us and it’s hard for the kids. I just hope that, having lived through such dark times, these kids will grow into grateful adults who know how to relish the good times in life. 

Because there will be more dark times. And these kids will be there to lead us through.